just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
