Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
