just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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