I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
