At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm passing your future prison.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
