U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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