Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
