Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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