is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
