why didn't you poke me back
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
