piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
