i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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