I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
