'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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