u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
