i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize