my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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