So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?