omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize