I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly