mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn