I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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