I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
not ubering you a puppy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(