Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
babies were throwing up all over the place
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..