I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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