His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
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Do I have a choice?
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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