Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
