have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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