i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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