grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
