Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
