You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
