we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
