I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
