I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
