Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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