I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
