Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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