lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
