I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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