Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
