I wish I could punch you in the face.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
