Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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