somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
