Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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