first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
