she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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