we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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