wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
