No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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