that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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