You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
