She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
