my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
