I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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