don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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