Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
