i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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You took a bar mat shot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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