Soap is not a condiment
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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