it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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