Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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