So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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