I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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