So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They took my balls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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