we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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