I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
