got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
