I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
