im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
