As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
