turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
