My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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