Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
