Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
