I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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