the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize